Financial Woes
by dipothebookworm
Summary: "Young master, beg pardon if I am incorrect, but are you pimping me out?" Ciel is in a predicament. Funtom has had some bad investments, and is losing money. Ciel needs cash NOW. Naturally, this is where Sebastian's natural appeal to women comes in... Threeshot, with updates coming sporadically.
1. The idea

**Financial Woes**

(A/N: I had the idea for this right before I fell asleep, and couldn't go back to sleep until I wrote the idea. That happens a lot. Meaning that it is not in the least bit retarded or idiotic. I don't own Kuroshitsuji, Yana Toboso does, and she makes it awesome.)

* * *

Ciel was not in a good mood. He had looked over the financial papers for his foreign investments, and they were losing money. A lot of it. In fact, if Funtom didn't get a significant influx of cash SOON, they may have to begin borrowing money to make ends meet. And then, the Phantomhive name would be shamed for generations. Ciel could not allow that to happen. Scowling harder than usual, he yelled.

"Sebastian! Come here at ONCE!"

Quicker than the human eye could track, Sebastian left the living room where he had been dusting and entered the office, looking unruffled and as elegant as ever.

"You called, my young master? Perchance you would like a snack, or some tea again?"

"Don't give me any cheek. I've had it up to **here** today already without **your** assistance, thank you."

Sebastian's expression didn't waver, but he had very pleasant thoughts about throttling the young boy in front of him.

'Don't worry, Sebastian, the day will come when you can eat him and be happy. You can have a pet cat if you want! No more nagging, no more making sweets, no more idiot co-workers, no more being threatened to kiss that gay shinigami, no more tying his shoes...'

Lost in his reverie, he hadn't paid attention to a single thing that Ciel had said.

"Is that clear, Sebastian?"

"Hmm?"

"Idiot. I'll explain again, so your stupid demon brain can comprehend it. I **said **that we are in need of a large sum of money, as some of my investments aren't paying off. And I have decided on a brilliant way to get the money quickly and efficiently. Could you guess what that is?"

This was bad. Ciel was fond of playing mind games, and loved to mess with Sebastian.

"Would it be to host a fundraiser?"

"No, of course not, you prat. Are we running a charity? This is a business. Try again. I'll give you a hint: it involves you very much."

"Are you lending me out to events or to work for other people?"

Ciel smiled evilly.

"Yes, I am."

"For what?"

"I was hoping that you would ask that. You are going to be soliciting entertainment for women."

"Meaning…?"

His evil smile grew even wider. He looked like the proverbial lion stalking a wounded deer. For a thirteen-year old child, it was somewhat disturbing.

"If you haven't noticed, Sebastian, women find you attractive for some reason. I think that I can make some money out of that. You see, most married noble and aristocratic women are not satisfied with their marriages, and want men who are exciting, good-looking and dangerous to sweep them off of their feet. Which is where you come in."

"Young master, beg pardon if I am incorrect, but are you pimping me out?"

"Hmm. You could put it in those terms I suppose, yes."

The silence was so thick, you couldn't even cut it with a death scythe.

Sebastian spoke again, uneasily.

"You plan to… sell my body to make money."

"Correct."

"You are thirteen years old."

"Yes."

Sebastian tried to think of a way of get out of it.

"I cannot allow my young master to partake in such a foul business. Surely there must be some other way…"

"Oh, there are plenty of other ways."

"Then do those. They are much less crass."

"No, I don't want to. I want to do something that will make you unhappy. Sebastian, I order you: Become my money-making scheme with your body!"

That little- Well, it was too late. He had ordered it. There was no backing out now. That short little sadist had him backed against a corner.

With a undetectable tremble in his voice, Sebastian answered: "Yes, my young lord."

* * *

(A/N: Sorry, I know, I know. Well, I'm not actually sorry, but yeah. Another chapter, featuring Grell, will be coming up as swiftly as possible. NO LEMONS, I am physically incapable of them, but it will tiptoe around it. Read and Review!)


	2. The implementation

(A/N: HA HA! She updates! I told you I wasn't ditching this story! HA HA HAAAA! I don't own Black Butler, Yana does, yadda yadda yadda. Stuff and things. Pineapples. Read and revieeeeewwwwwwwwwww. Like I probably said earlier, this is a crack series so… don't expect too much. Note: Things get cray up in here starting now, and I am now pretty sure that this story will be hella longer than three chapters. Don't worry. READ!)

* * *

In all of his years roaming the universe and the voids between and within it, Sebastian Michaelis had never truly once understood the concept of crying. Using your precious bodily fluids to communicate sadness and (occasionally) happiness? After the age of 24 months, it should have been outlawed. If you can talk, why waste time sobbing like an infant incapable of basic speech or motor control? It was incomprehensible.

Until now, this day, Sebastian Michaelis had never understood the concept of crying. He rather felt like it now, in fact. After hearing the brat explain how the company was going to make money, using his (beautiful) body, for a moment, he seriously considered weeping. For a powerful, feared creature like he was, to be degraded to being a common… whore… It was shameful.

That kid was going to be f***ing delicious, or ELSE.

And for another thing, how would a 13-year-old kid know how to be a pimp anyway?

* * *

"Sebastian!"

And with his shrill voice that grated heavily on Sebastian's ears, Ciel ordered him to begin his (painfully) embarrassing new chore. Sebastian gave the child a onceover, and noted his new outfit. He was wearing a well-tailored new suit that was a loud purple, with golden accents and jewelry. The most striking parts, however were the heavy, gold-plated walking stick studded with purple gems, and the purple hat with golden ribbon and feathers decorating it.

"Ah, yes, young master."

His outfit was so loud, Sebastian could almost hear the cloth screaming: "NOTICE ME!". He couldn't stop staring, which Ciel noticed.

"You noticed my new outfit, Sebastian? I had it specially tailored for my new business."

"I'd be blind not to 'notice' your new apparel. And aren't all of your clothes specially tailored?"

"That isn't the point. Anyway, it's my pimp suit."

Oh. So that was it. Wait a second: he had only come up with the plan the day before. How did he have a new suit handy? When were the measurements taken? Never mind. He _was _the Queen's Watchdog. The kid had his ways.

Sebastian reckoned that he was going to have a very long night of it.

* * *

They had been travelling by carriage for a while before the butler tried to break the silence.

"Young master, where might we be going?"

Ciel smiled that evil smile of his. How Sebastian wished to rip his pretty little teeth out of his head. He fondly remembered the time he yanked out the kid's loose tooth. There had been blood everywhere, and Ciel hadn't spoken to him for days. The silence was nice…

* * *

WHACK!

Ciel had smacked Sebastian over the head with his pimp cane.

"Pay attention! I don't want you daydreaming. And as to where we are going, it is to your first customers. I've formed a partnership with some of Lau's less… known activities. He very kindly offered to lend me a venue for my latest business, and is only taking 20% profit. A pretty good deal, if I say so myself."

"Of course."

The carriage trundled on into the bleak night.

* * *

By the time they reached the location, Ciel had fallen asleep. He would have almost looked cute, but he looked like he was dreaming of all the money he was going to make off Sebastian's beautiful body. And he was mumbling in his sleep, too:

"Yes, that'll cost… pay up front… a hundred pounds… thank you and come again…"

Creepy. But sadly, Sebastian had to face the music. Very gently, Sebastian nudged (read: shoved off of the chair) Ciel awake. He woke with a start, but managed to regain his composure.

"Alright, Sebastian, your work begins now. I order you; be my bottom ho and make me money!"

Cringe.

"Yes, my lord."

* * *

To make a long story short, Sebastian was popular. Very popular. Veeeery popular. For a variety of reasons (that any self-respecting fangrell would know), but will be listed anyway. Later.

* * *

As Sebastian had (correctly) predicted, it was a long night.

As Ciel counted his money in the carriage returning to the manor, Sebastian's face was blank. He had been sullied. Him. Sebastian Michaelis, demon extraordinaire. The things that he had been made to do in the past four hours-

No. It was too terrible to say. Who knew that all of those noblewomen were so… kinky? In all of his years, he had had NO idea that you could do those sorts of things with a bonnet. He could never look at the Lady Elizabeth's gift ever again without twitching. The horror… But hopefully, it was over. Ciel had a large stack of money in his hands. Hopefully this was a one-time job that would never be repeated or spoken of ever again.

"You-**I **seemed to have earned a rather tidy sum tonight. Does this mean that you've gotten enough money to save Funtom? So this is over?"

Ciel paused counting his money, and looked at Sebastian with a grin that reminded one of the cat who ate the canary.

"Oh, no. I fear that this has only begun for you. Get used to it, because this will be a nightly occurrence."

That kid had better be F***ING DELICIOUS.

* * *

(A/N: Hehehe. I should feel bad for this, but I don't think that I will. Anyway, hopefully I will find a way to put Grell-kun in the next chapter. And yeah, this story will be longer than I thought. Eventually, there will be some guest stars, namely, that little whore Alois and that derpy demon Claude. There will be a pimp battle in the future. I can see it now…. Claude and Ciel whacking each other with pimp sticks while Alois does a creepy striptease and Sebby cries in the background… I would pay to see that. Off track. But yeah, get hyped for that. Review, favorite, and follow this story, buddies! You all know you want to see more of pimp!Ciel, right?)


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